T-10 Days: Packing with Room for the Unfamiliar

I’ve always loved a good packing list, complete with checklists, tiny travel bottles, color-coded packing cubes, but no one tells you how much heavier the baggage of cultural expectations is to fold. That’s kind of what this pre-departure process has felt like: realizing that preparing for a trip like this isn’t just about what I’m bringing to Amsterdam, but what I’ve been carrying around already.

Soooooo... who am I, and how do I fit my perspective into the cultural environment of Amsterdam? As an eternally curious, first generation Indian-American navigating the once-taboo territory of sexuality, I've spent the past year figuring out what it means to live ethically, joyfully, and on purpose. I'm an unapologetic 'try-hard' and 'feminist killjoy' who's falling in love with life. I'm someone who notices how people speak to each other in public - and especially how they disagree. I value open-mindedness, life-long learning (shoutout to ZTA for that one), and questioning everything, especially the stuff we were told not to question. I'm also so over the shame in the US - about sex, about bodies, about being seen - and beyond excited to see the sociopolitical potential of a cultural free of that shame.

What I want from this trip, other than the in-curriculum drag show, is clarity. And not the kind that comes from a perfect itinerary or Google Translate. I want to see what it’s like to live in a place where sexuality isn’t immediately coded as distasteful or other. I want to learn how culture shapes comfort, how people talk about desire without panic. I want to feel what it’s like to be in spaces where bodies are just bodies, not battlegrounds. That feels like a big ask, but most certainly one that's overdue.

According to Shelley Story, this trip is a chance to meet a “new me” I haven’t met yet. I've never been immersed in a culture I didn't have a personal connection to, and as someone who prefers to know everything, that both thrills and terrifies me. I’m hoping to find more of my voice, especially in conversations about power and identity. I also know I tend to be the Sponge Traveler (with a dash of Schedule-Master chaos), so my goal is to soak in as much of the everyday life as I can, even if that means saying no to a couple nights out. I want this experience to feel lived, not just documented.

In regards to studying abroad, my boundaries are mostly internal. I know that when I get overwhelmed, I tend to shut down or go full people-pleaser mode. So I’m setting the intention now to ask myself “What do I actually want right now?” at least once a day. I also know I won’t be compromising on my safety or curiosity just to avoid being “the buzzkill.” There’s no version of this trip that’s worth abandoning myself.

My biggest fear? Missing the moment. Retreating out of habit, checking out to avoid discomfort, slowly starting to become a recluse, or sticking with the familiar and only the familiar. I know how easy it is to default to American friends, American snacks, American customs, but I want to push myself to fully immerse myself in the experience of living abroad for a month. This means not only surviving, but making an effort to thrive, too.

T-10 days, and I'm ready to unpack my values alongside my passport. So here’s to weird museum exhibits, hard conversations, and finding pieces of myself in unfamiliar places.